Don't blink

Life is going by in a blur. One moment we're sledding in the snow and the next we're swimming. Then before we know it, we're buying school supplies and thinking about Halloween. When you're expecting a child people, usually older, tell you all the time it goes by in the blink of eye. Odds are you brush them off, ignore them, chuckle and think it won't happen but then you wake up one morning and realize it's gone by in the whisper of a moment. When I hold my friends babies, I'm transported back in time for a small second. Then my daughter will run up or call my name and I'm reminded that there's a little girl who is more than half of my height who calls me mommy and belongs to me. She's not a baby anymore and it saddens me more than I care to admit. I'm humbled when I look at my daughter. She's this tall, intelligent 8 year old. The same bean who was growing inside me whose heartbeat was strong, whose spine showed up so clearly on the first ultrasound it took our breath away. Some days it's so hard to connect the two humans.

While my friends were counting the days off on their Facebook until the kids went back to school I was dreading it. My heart ached knowing that my daughter was not only going to be away from me 7 hours a day, she was entering third grade. Knowing what I know about what third graders know it terrifies me. Can't I keep her innocent a bit longer? Can't I homeschool her for the third grade? The answer is no of course. I can't do either of those things. So I sent her packing. She was so nervous I wanted to walk to her class but my husband shook his head no and I know he was right, I know she needs to stand on her own two feet, to be strong, courageous and bold but her face as the bus pulled away...it tore my heart up. The end result? I wandered around the house all day randomly doing a load of laundry or picking up messes but I couldn't get her off my mind and I missed her. The end result for her? She survived and she thrived. She loved her new teacher, she loved her classroom and she made some new friends. She came off of the bus smiling and happy and with a hug for mom and dad. We survived.

Our summer thou relaxed is a blur. We spent time in Lake Placid, NY while my husband was out of town for work. We wished away the weekdays in August so he'd come home sooner and I think in that way we wished away the rest of our summer. But we also grew closer. With my mom working and Todd gone, Gabby has no desire to be with anyone but me. Sure, she'll go to her friends for a bit but stay apart from me overnight? She'd rather not. Is this healthy? I don't know, she's 8. She'll stay somewhere now, but she'd rather stay with daddy and I or with her grandma. She's perfectly content to play at a friends for hours and have her night end in her own bed. She had a very hard time with Daddy gone so many weeks but in time they got easier. She missed him but she wasn't crying every night by the end. It got easier for me, too. Not that I want to do it again any time soon.

I learned to some things about myself all those weeks while he was gone. And I started carving out a relationship with my sister who I often went to with my pity party because I knew she'd understand. Without her supporting my pity party and inviting me to spend time at her house our days would have been longer and lonelier. I hope she knows how much I appreciate what she did, that she made my and Gabby's days easier. I enjoyed spending time with her and my niece and nephews. It was fun, insightful, interesting and enjoyable all in one. As the summer wore on and my sister settled into a new job and got very busy we needed to find different things to do. We took some friends to local parks they'd never been to, we started using our season passes to a local theme park more and we met with friends, some who I hadn't seen since high school, some I hadn't seen in years just because life got busy and some because we live far apart. Both of us started cultivating new friendships and I am so thankful for it. So while the summers end was lonelier than usual while daddy was gone, we learned to deal with it and I think in the end we had a good time after all.

Now it's onto fall. The job that took my husband out of town for so long is complete and we're back to our normal daily routine. I hope the fall turns out to be as interesting and fun as the summer was. I want to fill it with friends and family and happy memories. I want my life to be filled with more happy memories.