Don't blink

Life is going by in a blur. One moment we're sledding in the snow and the next we're swimming. Then before we know it, we're buying school supplies and thinking about Halloween. When you're expecting a child people, usually older, tell you all the time it goes by in the blink of eye. Odds are you brush them off, ignore them, chuckle and think it won't happen but then you wake up one morning and realize it's gone by in the whisper of a moment. When I hold my friends babies, I'm transported back in time for a small second. Then my daughter will run up or call my name and I'm reminded that there's a little girl who is more than half of my height who calls me mommy and belongs to me. She's not a baby anymore and it saddens me more than I care to admit. I'm humbled when I look at my daughter. She's this tall, intelligent 8 year old. The same bean who was growing inside me whose heartbeat was strong, whose spine showed up so clearly on the first ultrasound it took our breath away. Some days it's so hard to connect the two humans.

While my friends were counting the days off on their Facebook until the kids went back to school I was dreading it. My heart ached knowing that my daughter was not only going to be away from me 7 hours a day, she was entering third grade. Knowing what I know about what third graders know it terrifies me. Can't I keep her innocent a bit longer? Can't I homeschool her for the third grade? The answer is no of course. I can't do either of those things. So I sent her packing. She was so nervous I wanted to walk to her class but my husband shook his head no and I know he was right, I know she needs to stand on her own two feet, to be strong, courageous and bold but her face as the bus pulled away...it tore my heart up. The end result? I wandered around the house all day randomly doing a load of laundry or picking up messes but I couldn't get her off my mind and I missed her. The end result for her? She survived and she thrived. She loved her new teacher, she loved her classroom and she made some new friends. She came off of the bus smiling and happy and with a hug for mom and dad. We survived.

Our summer thou relaxed is a blur. We spent time in Lake Placid, NY while my husband was out of town for work. We wished away the weekdays in August so he'd come home sooner and I think in that way we wished away the rest of our summer. But we also grew closer. With my mom working and Todd gone, Gabby has no desire to be with anyone but me. Sure, she'll go to her friends for a bit but stay apart from me overnight? She'd rather not. Is this healthy? I don't know, she's 8. She'll stay somewhere now, but she'd rather stay with daddy and I or with her grandma. She's perfectly content to play at a friends for hours and have her night end in her own bed. She had a very hard time with Daddy gone so many weeks but in time they got easier. She missed him but she wasn't crying every night by the end. It got easier for me, too. Not that I want to do it again any time soon.

I learned to some things about myself all those weeks while he was gone. And I started carving out a relationship with my sister who I often went to with my pity party because I knew she'd understand. Without her supporting my pity party and inviting me to spend time at her house our days would have been longer and lonelier. I hope she knows how much I appreciate what she did, that she made my and Gabby's days easier. I enjoyed spending time with her and my niece and nephews. It was fun, insightful, interesting and enjoyable all in one. As the summer wore on and my sister settled into a new job and got very busy we needed to find different things to do. We took some friends to local parks they'd never been to, we started using our season passes to a local theme park more and we met with friends, some who I hadn't seen since high school, some I hadn't seen in years just because life got busy and some because we live far apart. Both of us started cultivating new friendships and I am so thankful for it. So while the summers end was lonelier than usual while daddy was gone, we learned to deal with it and I think in the end we had a good time after all.

Now it's onto fall. The job that took my husband out of town for so long is complete and we're back to our normal daily routine. I hope the fall turns out to be as interesting and fun as the summer was. I want to fill it with friends and family and happy memories. I want my life to be filled with more happy memories.

A good laugh, a slight fear and a moms moment

Ok, so today or tomorrow has turned into next week. I'm new to this blogging thing and when I have nothing to say....I don't know what to post. The past week has been full of moments, full of laughter and a bit of sadness but it's one of those weeks I just wouldn't change.

My little one, 7.5 years old came out of her room last Sunday and made an announcement. She wanted her ears pierced, she was finally ready. I have been asking her since she was younger if she wanted them done but I didn't lie, I told her it would hurt. So we went the next day and I was certain, right up until she was sitting in that chair and had the guns (two girls) against her ears that she was going to back out. Imagine my surprise when she didn't back out and the next thing we knew, the earrings were in! She looked so surprised that it hurt and she cried a little, until the mirror was held in front of her (one of her favorite things, mirrors.) and she saw the sparkly flowers in her ears. She was so proud she had Daddy take a pic right there and send it to her aunt and cousins. She had me take a pic when we got home and send it out to all of our family members, she called her grandma and her best friend and she talked it up and kept looking in the mirror at her ears. You can see in the pic how happy she is with them. I had concerns about reactions, since I can't wear anything in my ear myself but the swelling went down immediately and all has been well since.

Prior to going to get her ears done, we met at McDonalds with some moms from one of my moms groups. We've been friends for years, but never met because I have anxiety issues and I'm painfully shy. It was great to meet them and their boys, I really enjoyed spending time with them and I cannot wait to do it again. Despite being the only girl, Gabby enjoyed herself alot and asked me immediately when we got into the car when we could do it again. Hopefully soon!

I was making dinner tonight when Gabby came out into the kitchen and told me one of her friends at school is moving. I asked her which one and I do know the little girl, though I don't know her mom very well. I asked Gabby why she was moving, just in conversation and nearly choked when she gave me her answer. I was standing at the stove, browning beef for dinner, chopping it up, turning it over, listening with one ear as she told me. Her answer: "Well, her mom has a friend and I don't know if it's a girl or guy, but Abby says they are moving in with them because she is sleeping with them". I put down the spatula and asked her to repeat what she said, to be sure I heard right. She looked a little scared, like she had said something wrong but I told her I just didn't hear her, could she tell me again. She did and the answer was the same. I'm certain at the age of 7, these girls don't know what "sleeping with them" means. Regardless, harmless as those words were, it made me realize what could have been asked, what might have been asked. I was going to ask her if she knew what it meant, but she bounced away and went back to playing. I called my mom, just to make sure I wasn't shocked for nothing and I heard a bit of silence after telling her, kinda even made my mom speechless and that isn't easily done! Her words were "and so it begins...". I know it's only a matter of time. I had her tell Daddy when he got back and it's being kind when I say that I had ask him to please close his jaw, because flies were going to start flying in there. His face was comical.

So, a little bit later we were sitting at the table eating dinner. I don't remember what the conversation was, but I told her when she was a doctor or the first woman president (have to set the bar high, ya know!) she could do such and such. She informed us she wasn't going to be a doctor or president, no sir. What would she be then? A police officer. Well, that's a good profession, what makes her choose that we ask? "Cause when you're a police officer you get donuts". Err...guess we'd better be sure who our audience is when there's a cop car at Dunkin Donuts next time! We told her that that wasn't a great reason for being a police officer and you don't get free donuts, you still have to pay for them. We told her all the great reasons to be a police officer, keeping the community safe, helping people, etc.

We had friends over for sledding and food this past weekend. What a great time and we can't wait to do it again, possibly this weekend....

Thanks for reading, until next time........

Updating

I'll be posting an update today or tomorrow. We've got a busy week ahead with some school stuff. Looks like the weather is kicking another storm our way too, as well as some misc. snow showers. When this happens, I'm a single mom, so life gets a bit more hectic for me. Got some news to share, so keep checking back!

Children

I knew when we made the choice not to homeschool Gabby that sending her to school would be hard. Let's face it, kids are horrible. They are mean and can be the biggest bullies. Do you remember being in school? Do you remember the mean things other kids said to you or maybe, that you said to them? I was on both ends of that spectrum, I was mean and other kids were mean to me. I often want to contact the children, now adults, that I was mean to and say "I'm sorry". But what would that bring? They'd probably blast me for being mean in the first place and say it's too late. In my first school, I was quiet and shy and because I had been there forever, from the beginning, alot of kids left me alone. And really, there wasn't anyone to be mean to, I was just that quiet and shy. When I changed schools at 13 is when reality hit of how cruel children could be. I wasn't an original in the school, so I was targeted and picked on and bullied and all around made miserable. But I moved through and made some friends (John, if you ever read this, please know I thank you from the bottom of my heart for protecting me and being my friend, you made high school ten times easier.) and yes, I picked on the lesser fortunate kids than me. (Kristy, Helen, I'm especially sorry to the two of you, I was very mean and I am very, very sorry) I made it through however, damaged and sensitive and determined that what I experienced my daughter would NOT experience if I could help it in any way.
Gabby has had her problems. She has been and is being bullied by a little boy. We've talked to the teacher and Gabby herself went to the principal. This boy is mean to her, my husband and I witnessed it with our own eyes when he thought no one was looking. She's had to deal with him for two years now, last year and this year and this year we're going to the principal and demanding they be put in seperate classes next year. This won't be the first time the principal has heard this, another parent did the same thing last year about this year and demanded their daughter not be put in class with him. And it's come down to this-I told her the next time he touches her, to get into his face and warn him if he touches her again, she's going to make sure he won't do it again. He's shorter than her, I told her to intimidate him. Yes, it's wrong, but you know what? He's done enough to her that we're at our wits end. And I already warned you in the beginning, I'm making sure my daughter knows how to stand up for herself, this won't happen to her if I can help it.
There's another little girl in Gabby's class who lies...alot. She says things so far fetched that sometimes I have to laugh. She's constantly telling stories and only a second grader could believe it. I have to dispel those lies when my daughter gets home, it's so stupid. This child also tends to say things that are not so nice. Yesterday out of the blue she told my daughter that she wished Gabby and her best friend didn't know about an extracurricular thing the three of them were because she doesn't like Gabby and her best friend and doesn't want them to be in it. WHAT?! You have to be kidding me, seriously. What would prompt a child to say that type of thing? (it might be the parent, I know) She's also said various other mean things. Why, as parents, can't we teach our children kindness? I'm trying, more than I'm trying to teach her to be mean, to be kind and it's paying off. You know how I know? Not long ago one of my friends, a mom of Gabby's friend, im'd me and informed me my daughter was now a bodyguard. She is? That's news to me, since I'd been thinking she needed a bodyguard more than anything. It seems some boys were picking on her friend and Gabby helped her friend and then went and informed a teacher what was going on. This, more than anything is what I want from my daughter. I want her to be well rounded enough to be friends with everyone, to help everyone, to be kind. But I don't want her being shy and quiet and awkward, because I can tell you firsthand how that turns out. To this day when I come across one of the mean ones from high school-one of whom is a teacher, it makes my skin crawl. I'm terrified that this person is a teacher when she was one of the meanest people I know. I'm glad we're not in her school district. It's possible she's changed, as a person but for the sake of not knowing, I never want anything to do with her.
I think it's worse today than when we were children. Our children are more spoiled, more babied, more priveledged. And taught less kindness. We've come a long way with racism, yes. But people are still being judged on their looks, their families, their material things. I vow to protect my daughter. If it means putting her in karate to teach herself self defense, then so be it. If it means teaching her to stand up to a small little boy who has punched her and gotten away with it, then so be that too. I'm also teaching her to be kind, because everyone is different and no one deserves to be picked on, to be told they aren't good enough because they are wearing Walmart sneakers instead Nikes. Everyone deserves a chance. I'm hoping she has a good experience in school. It took me a long time to overcome mine and sometimes I still deal with it. Let's face it, as parents, with parents, it's like going to back to high school all over again. Sometimes the parents in our school are more childish than the parents themselves. And meaner. In our school? Watch your back. Chances are, there's a parent behind you with a knife in one hand and a smile on their face when you turn around. I'm sure it's like that everywhere.
Ok, stepping down off my soapbox now, just had to get that out. :)

Snow and parenting

I am not particularly a fan of snow. It's cold, it's messy and it causes many problems. However, since I live in NY, I have to deal with it and sometimes lots of it. The thing I do love when it snows is the quiet. I love to go outside first thing in the morning, before anyone wakes up or the plows have come through our side streets and listen and see, it's so peaceful. The other morning I went outside to unearth our sidewalk and porch from yet another heaping of the white stuff. None of the neighbors had come out yet to do the same, so I shoveled in silence. When I went back in to tell Gabby it was actual not so cold out and the skies were blue, she decided to get her gear on and come out. (she never even got out of her pj's, just pulled her snow pants and gear on over it, the kids loves snow and scrambles to get out in it) When we went back out, I stood in the middle of our street (we live on a deadend) and it was like the world was coming to life before my eyes. One by one the neighbors started coming out, shovels, snowblowers, and scrapers in hand. A plow came through, my immediate neighbor started his snowblower, Gabby squealed in delight as she tried to get over the hill of snow the plow made the night before and into the yard. It was the oddest but most peaceful scene. I've never seen the world actually awaken before my eyes in this environment and it was very nice. The shoveling got done, though I had planned to shovel around my husbands car, I was sidetracked by a request to go sledding. I put the shovel aside and took to the hill with my daughter. It's not something I do often, again, I'm not a fan of snow but we had a great time sliding down the hill, laughing as we tried to make runs for the sleds and we kept veering to each side instead of straight. We came in and had hot chocolate and went out again later in the afternoon. As if the two times we were out weren't enough, friends came over and we went out again and then over to the park. Hubby came out in the second round of sledding and went down the hill with Gabby a few times. I was having an off day with alertness, so when they were barrelling towards me, it never occured to me to get out of the way and the knocked me right now on my bottom. I wasn't hurt and we had a good laugh about it.
Out of most of our friends, we're two out of three parents we know that physically go sledding with the children. Why wouldn't you want to? It's so much fun! I think my daughter will carry this with her, that we do things with her like this.
The park we went to is more of a dare devils hill. It's extremely steep and there's a street at the bottom that you are most likely going to go into (rarely any cars, it's the park, and you see when they are coming) Add to the steepness of the hill, you have bumps in the middle that act as jumps and a person can get going pretty fast. We take the kids, but the younger ones slide on the bottoms instead of sleds because they get going pretty fast that way. Us parents, well, my husband and I and a friend, we chance it and take a sled down. It's a rush, but the problem is we always wind up with alot and I mean ALOT of snow in our faces. This past weekend, my friend and I wound up screaming it was so cold. When I told my husband what had happened, he made a few suggestions so when I take pics, I'll post them and you can see how we fared with his remedy.
When I became a parent, I was warned that raising this child would be challenging and they aren't kidding. I have a hard time letting her do things, a hard time letting go just a little. I just want to keep her in my bubble and never let harm come her way. She wants to try so many new things this winter and me, I'm terrified at the thought. Tubing is one thing she wants to try, he friends have done it and so have hubby and I, it's very fun. But I picture her too little, I picture her flipping the tube, falling out of it, getting hurt in some way and I won't be able to get to her fast enough. And worse, I won't have been able to protect her in the first place. But she's old enough and I know she is, so I'll likely let her try. It'll certainly grow a few new gray hairs on my head. My heart will probably miss a few more beats than it does normally but I'll likely let her try. But this parenting thing, it's going to be the end of me. Especially if my husband if my goes ahead and buys her a snowmobile this winter. Heaven help me now.

Parenting ramblings

Why is it that I can do 100 things right for and with my daughter, but if I'm stressed and short with her, I obsess about it til no end as if it's the end of the world?
We went shopping at Walmart tonight, to get some groceries before the storm and to get tires put on the truck. The tire thing was a flop. The tires we want put on are one size too small and they won't do it, but the mechanic told us to go to a "real" repair shop and they would do it and he was nice enough to recommend a place to do it. On with the shopping trip.... After being separated several times, we finally got into the food aisles where we attempted to get food. Now, I'll admit that I was not as prepared as I usually am. I hadn't wanted to go food shopping until the kiddo was back in school and I could go alone, but I realized that the storm they are predicting may keep us in the house for a day or two and our cabinets were looking a tad bare and probably wouldn't have held us over. I knew I should have ran to the local store and left the kiddo with Daddy but frugal me knew I'd spend too much there and I could get double the amount of stuff at Walmart. Kiddo was not such a great camper in the store. If she wasn't asking for a hundred different things, she was complaining about a hundred different other things and if those two weren't in effect, she was employing some other annoying tactic. I stopped mid shopping and explained to her that her actions weren't going to yield great consequences. I told her what those consequences were going to be, she was warned. By the end of the trip, she was in tears, I was tired and Daddy was just ready to call it a day and go home. I spent WAY more than I should have, I have no idea what we bought but I know it's definitely not going to make decent, healthy dinners and healthy lunches. When we finally got home, I made the kiddo oatmeal and made her get ready for bed. But I was short, annoyed and exhausted. I wasn't as nice as I could possibly be, though heaven help me, I tried but she kept "needing this" or "having to do that" and I just wanted the night to end. I'll obsess over not giving her a "perfect" bedtime. Nevermind that the night before she went to bed peacefully, my heart spilling with love or that she will have a perfect bedtime tomorrow night. I'll obsess about tonight, the night that didn't go well.
And as I end this, she has just come out of her room asking to go to the bathroom, even though she was in bed an hour ago. I'm just tired, it's been a long few days, we're all sick and I just need to rest. In the grand scheme of things, she won't remember this, she'll remember something else but it bothers me, right now.